As we all know, famous schools in the United States value students’ application documents very much, and sometimes it’s even more appealing to admissions officers than grades. Because a good essay allows the admissions officer to see a student’s personality, ability, and potential at a glance.
One high school girl, with one excellent essay, won offers from five Ivy League schools – Yale, Columbia, Penn, Dartmouth, Cornell, and StanfordWhat did the girl write in her essay? Can you get the favor of so many admissions officers?
The girl’s name is Brittany Stinson, and her essay records ordinary but extraordinary things: Today, let’s follow the perspective of the admissions officer and take a look at this article.She and her mother spent years at Costco.
Nelson Urena worked in the Undergraduate Admissions Office at Cornell University. He said he really liked how Stinson didn’t start with the stereotypical opening line, but put the middle of the story in the first sentence.， “This is a great way to start and keep the reader reading. As I read the next sentence, her story slowly became clear, just as my pupils slowly adjusted to the light. A picture begins to emerge,” Urena said.
This description also appeals to David Jiang, a former assistant director of admissions at Dartmouth College: “As an Admissions Officer, Reading hundreds of applications and essays in a short period of time requires something unique or memorable to make an application stand out at the end of the day” 。
After the unique beginning attracted the admissions officer, every detail in the essay showed her unique personal charm.From the age of two, she began to look for free samples in Costco with her mother, and she was willing to try every new product.Became her motivation in learning and life, because of the love of learning, so whenever there is a new knowledge point, she wants to try with infinite curiosity, and devote herself to it…
This kind of story not only resonates with people, but also makes admissions officers find it especially interesting.”Brittany’s strongest strength in her writing is her voice – she is clearly an insightful, creative and interesting young woman,” said Hershfield Legart.
Marisa Zepeda, who used to work in the admissions office of the Massachusetts Institute of Science and Technology and the University of Yelu, said, The article said, “I applied the exploration skills I developed at Costco to my intellectual inquiry…” It shows that the girl is not afraid to try new things and has a true love of learning, which is what all schools look for in applicants.
Dr Aviva Hirschfeld Legatt, former Senior Admissions Officer at the Vodun Business School of Fanja University, said: “From the perspective of the Undergraduate Committee, The students who stood out had only one thing in common: loveliness. At the end of the committee discussion, the students whom admissions officers most wanted to admit and eventually meet were the ones who were able to articulate the unique personal appeal behind the applicant” 。
Of course, the perfect expression of words is also indispensable。 “I also noticed that Brittany used strong verbs. If you go back and mark all the verbs in this article, you will see that they are carefully chosen. These verbs express not only an action but an emotion: charge, run, widen, cut, sprint, touch, taste, stick, explore, search, whisk away, survey, towering, navigate, and she uses the correct ‘lay’,” Urena said. At the same time, Urena also put forward a constructive suggestion, that is, don’t use too many long descriptive words when writing.
